Serious blogpost today.
Here goes :
A lot of things we say or ask can either cause or prevent us from sounding hurtful.
Or if you catch words coming out the way they shouldn't have, rephrasing swiftly would
save you, you, you, and all of us. So my suggestion is to make phrasing your good friend.
Unless you really intend to hurt with your words then I'm sorry for you.
I'm working on it myself, and I've some examples to share with you peeps.
They may sound slightly exaggerated but different people take them at different
degrees so it'll be clearer this way. To me, at least.
When something goes wrong and the first question is:
"What did you do?"
Where it puts the receiver: You are the cause, because if you didn't do whatever
wrong things you did, I wouldn't be asking you about what you did. You should
be responsible for whatever went wrong. (How conclusive, ey?)
Instead, use: "What happened?"
I like this one because it's not pointing fingers (which I'm sure none of us want
to do before knowing anything), and it gets the person to tell you the situation.
Next one,
When someone reacts unexpectedly and it doesn't please you and you go:
"Why are you like this?"
Where it puts the receiver: Why are you behaving in such a way that I disapprove of?
I don't understand why you did/said what you did/said. I obviously think you're wrong.
You are the problem and that's the reason why I'm asking you why you're like this.
(The last line sounds like a tongue twister. :p )
Instead, use: "What made you feel this way?"
That way, you would get to listen to how it is like to be viewing the situation from
the other side, a chance to understand the other person's reactions and maybe even
help the them see the reason themselves (which could be themselves), resolving issues.
The use of 'you' in these questions would naturally put them in 'attack' mode and
may cause the other person to go all defensive even though we may not mean to
'attack' (blame/point fingers) at all. That's not really going to bring any of us
anywhere nice. Unless of course you're talking to someone who really
understands you, then lucky you. But how many of these people do we know?
Delve on it. Peace out - Kenkino (blog author)
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